Bikers with beards often have an attitude.
They like to flout authority.
They’re a little wild.
They’re big believers in personal freedoms.
And that’s reflected in their animalistic facial hair.
Bikers with beards are usually primal and passionate.
If you don’t like that, you might be better off with a neat and tidy accountant.
My own experience of biker dating has led to the happiest biker marriage ever.
And yep, there’s always been a biker beard in the house.
The last time Pat had a shave, he was 17.
After 30 years with me, I’ve never seen what’s under those luxurious whiskers.
And who cares?
I fell in love with the whole package – and his biker beard is part of that package.
Bikers with beards are a special breed. Dating a biker with a beard could be the best decision you ever make – whether you’re into beards, or not. With a little effort, you can like the beard almost as much as you like the man!
But what if bikers with beards are NOT your thing?
In that case, you have three options:
1. Weigh the beard against the whole man.
Is that annoying beard outweighed by how much you like him as a person?
Does he make you laugh?
Is he fantastic company?
Does he ‘get’ you like no-one else ever has?
And is all that more important than whether he has a beard?
2. See if my other posts on beards help.
I’m a shameless fan of biker beards.
I love ‘em.
So naturally, I’ve ranted about it here on Pillioness.
Maybe my other articles about biker beards will help you come to grips with this furry challenge:
3. Stop for a second and ask yourself if you’re perfect.
I know I’m not!
I can be pretty annoying.
I need twice as much sleep as Pat, for a start.
I’m way too cranky to keep chatting at midnight.
I’m always asking for a salad on road trips.
A WHAT? The waitress usually replies.
(This is New Zealand. You don’t want to get too fancy.)
Even so, that doesn’t stop me asking for a salad again at the next place we stop.
Then there’s my addiction to hair straighteners.
I pack hair straighteners every time we go away on the motorcycle, with strict instructions that they cannot get wet if it rains.
Then when we arrive at our destination, I often can’t be bothered to use them.
You might have your moments, too.
Maybe your man doesn’t like your favorite t-shirt, or the sweats that you live in.
Maybe he’s annoyed by your rude brother, or your psycho cat.
But he looks beyond the surface irritations, because all the other bits of you are so awesome.
My point here is: relationships always demand give and take.
Dating a biker is no different.
So let’s assume you CAN tolerate (or even love) the beard.
Maybe it’s not a deal breaker after all.
Here are my personally tested hacks for living happily ever after with a man who rocks a biker beard.
Bikers With Beards: 8 Ways to Wrangle Yours
Let’s start with something practical.
1. When in a restaurant, grab some extra napkins
When a man with a biker beard takes you out for dinner, there will be fallout.
OK, it’s not as toxic as nuclear fallout.
But it’s quite a lot messier.
This is inevitable.
It’s basically unavoidable.
A biker beard is a magnet for crumbs, and droplets of sauce and dressing.
But a few extra napkins gently handed to him several times during the meal deals with the dinner fallout without making a fuss.
2. Learn the art of the Quick Pick
Sometimes he won’t need another 10 napkins.
You just need to reach over and grab that piece of lettuce that’s nestling happily in his beard.
With practice, you can do this Quick Pick move in milliseconds.
You become like one of those little plover birds that sit in the open mouths of crocodiles, picking stray bits of food from the crocodile’s sharp teeth.
Do it quickly, and you won’t even get bitten.
3. Develop a Beard Safety Word
You don’t have to be doing something weird sexually to need a safety word.
It also applies to eating in public with a man who has a biker beard.
Let’s say you’re having dinner with some friends.
Your man is halfway through a hilarious story.
Unfortunately, he has half a chicken bone suspended in his beard.
Your friends are being entertained partly by the story, and partly by the gravity-defying chicken bone that seems to have settled in happily – and permanently – in the furry depths of the biker beard.
Now, obviously, this is not the time to start picking at his beard in front of everyone.
He’ll be super annoyed, and then embarrassed.
This is when you need to use the Beard Safety Word.
So wait until you can catch his eye, murmur ‘beard chicken’ and point discreetly at the offending piece of poultry bone.
Without breaking stride, he can sweep away the stray chicken remains, and continue with his funny story.
4. Make sure there’s some deep conditioner in the shower
I have a bit of a fetish for a certain thick, organic hair conditioner.
The one I use is all-natural, and smells like cinnamon.
And while I love this product for myself, I’m happy to share.
I make sure it’s easily accessible in the shower, and I remind Pat to use it whenever he washes his beard.
Like hair, beards need regular conditioning, and my gorgeous creamy conditioner is extremely moisturising.
A couple of quick squirts of this conditioning treatment, and his beard is instantly soft again, and smells wonderful.
And as this conditioner is chemical free, that works for me as well – as that beard will be brushing my sensitive skin when I kiss him.
As you might’ve guessed, I’m totally a delicate flower.
5. Invest in some beard oil
Like many bikers with beards, Pat doesn’t spend a lot of time in front of the mirror.
He doesn’t have his own section of the bathroom cabinet that’s packed with night creams, manly cleansers or anti-ageing face masks.
Oh, he has a toothbrush, sure.
He’s not an animal.
But that’s about as far as the grooming commitment goes.
So beard oil is an acceptable, masculine type of grooming product.
I found him one that’s scented with lime oil; again, all natural.
Beard oil works like leave in conditioner, and helps to keep the beard soft and moisturised.
It’s a must for bikers with beards.
6. Admire the different moods of the beard
I’m still fascinated by the different shapes and forms that a biker beard can take.
After a motorcycle ride, Pat’s beard is always worth a second look.
It’s been blown around in the wind for hours, and has become a wild, furry sculpture.
Sometimes it sits in pointy chunks, like an upside-down Lisa Simpson hairdo.
Or it might be blown right over to one side, like an ancient tree that leans into the wind on a lonely hillside.
I always comment on its interesting shapes and forms.
We laugh about it together, and marvel at its latest shape.
It’s fun; it’s light-hearted, and a great opportunity to compliment the beard.
Because how much do we love it when our men notice we’re having a good hair day?
This is exactly the same thing.
So take a moment to notice the beard’s latest form.
Say something nice about it.
It’s so easy to do, and makes everyone happy.
7. Brush the beard after a motorcycle ride
When you’re done admiring the windswept shape of the post-ride biker beard, the next natural step is to give it a quick brush.
But be gentle.
The wind is a cruel stylist: creative, but also pretty rough.
So the biker beard will be full of tangles and snarls.
And if you’re riding in spring and the air was full of insects on the wing, there might even be bugs in that furry undergrowth.
But with a gentle brush and a quick squirt of beard oil, the biker beard is back to its usual glory.
8. Sometimes the beard will need a trim
Biker beards can grow quickly.
They’ll need occasional maintenance.
But many bikers with beards are barber-phobic.
So the task of trimming the beard might fall to you.
If so, tread carefully.
That biker beard has taken years to grow.
And now you’ve encouraged your biker to take care of it a little, he’s even more invested.
So raise the topic of a beard trim carefully.
You might need to circle it once or twice, without pressure.
Try leaving the hairdressing scissors out on the bench so he gets used to them.
And then, when the moment is right, approach him slowly.
Promise him that you’ll take no more than 2mm off the beard.
Bikers with beards spook easily at the sight of scissors.
So just take the bare minimum off the beard, and then lead him to a mirror.
Prove to him that his beard survived that 10 seconds with the scissors.
It’s still thick and full – and now about 2% more groomed.
No bikers were even harmed in the process.
Bikers with Beards Are Not Like Other Guys
Like their beards, these men require a little bit of specialist care.
But as you can see, a biker beard can add a little something to your relationship.
It looks great, and it’s nice to snuffle in (get in there before the dinner fallout, though).
You’d have to agree that biker beards have massive overall entertainment value.
And just think of how much they save on razors over the years!
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