Biker dating doesn’t exactly come with a rule book.
But here’s one unwritten rule that changes everything.
It really helps if you don’t see the motorcycle as The Enemy.
Because that’s the path to more arguments than you ever dreamed you could fit into an average week.
Bikers love their motorcycles with a fierce, burning passion.
That’s just the way it is.
The motorcycle is a non-negotiable presence in their lives.
Don’t believe me?
Just try any of these comments, and watch the sparks fly.
You might want to have a bag packed and a plane ticket booked before you do…
20 Things to NEVER Say When Dating a Biker
Don’t try any of these witty little comments if you want the relationship to go past the first 10 minutes…
1. Wow, your garage really needed a makeover!
I’ve tidied away all those messy tools and motorcycle parts.
I’ve brought in some pretty accessories, a flower theme and just a touch of pink.
Don’t you just LOVE it?
2. It’s like you have another woman out in the garage.
You spend more time out there with HER than you do with me!
Motorcycles take up all your time and energy.
You may as well have a mistress…
(What he’s thinking: Would a mistress nag me less? Might be worth considering…)
3. You’ll never get ME on that death machine!
Motorcycles are so dangerous – I don’t know what you see in them…
How have you not already killed yourself?
I wouldn’t get on the back of your bike if you paid me.
What am I doing dating a biker?
(What he’s thinking: Hmm. What a great question.)
4. You know, I think you love that motorcycle more than you love me.
I’ve noticed that you have more photos of your bike than of me.
You buy it gifts constantly.
When was the last time you even bought me flowers?
I never imagined dating a biker would mean I’d be replaced by a bike.
(What he’s thinking: How much would a goodbye bunch of flowers set me back? Might be worth it…)
5. You spent HOW MUCH on new pipes for your motorcycle?
Were the old pipes broken – or what?
What a waste of money!
How can you justify that?
(What he’s thinking: It’s a motorcycle. No justification necessary. And who gave you access to my bank statements?)
6. I went through your old motorcycle t-shirts and gave a whole pile to charity.
Some of them actually had holes in them!
I don’t know why you were hanging onto them.
I’ll work on your collection of jeans next.
(What he’s thinking: Why haven’t I already changed the locks?)
7. Why would you possibly need another bike?
No-one needs more than one motorcycle, surely!
What a waste of money!
How many toys do you need?
(What he’s thinking: It’s not a toy. It’s a work of art. And now I’m going to buy another three.)
8. Do you ever actually read those bike magazines?
Why don’t we recycle them and get rid of some of this clutter?
I’m so sick of seeing motorcycle magazines everywhere.
(What he’s thinking: Yep, you’re dating a biker. We like to read about bikes.)
9. Let’s just get rid of the motorcycle, and get a car we can BOTH enjoy.
It’s really selfish of you to keep spending money on the bike when we need a new car.
We could sell your bike and put the money into a car.
(What he’s thinking: Over my dead body.)
10. Of course you can’t bring the bike into the house!
It’s in the way.
Just leave it in the garage where it belongs.
What’s wrong with you?
(What he’s thinking: Must get a quote on widening the back door so I can ride the bike into the living room.)
11. If you didn’t keep wasting all that money on your motorcycle, we could actually take a vacation.
Why don’t you stop spending so much on the bike, and start saving to go away on a romantic holiday?
Just the two of us.
No, not on the bike.
(What he’s thinking: Maybe I could take a motorcycle vacation, and you could buy a one way plane ticket to Anywhere Else.)
12. I want to put the car in the garage…
So you’ll have to start parking the bike in the drive way from now on.
The car’s more important than your motorcycle!
(What he’s thinking: What alien species are you?)
13. I can’t believe I even LET you have a motorcycle.
I’m so good to you.
You really don’t deserve me, you know…
(What he’s thinking: That’s right. I really don’t deserve you. I deserve someone who gets me.)
14. I saw a guy on a motorcycle today nearly get himself killed.
I hope you never go too fast or split lanes of traffic.
(This one works GREAT as an ice-breaker on a first biker date.)
(What he’s thinking: Did it occur to you that the cars around that bike were probably acting crazy as usual?)
15. Do your friends have to come around here on their bikes?
They’re so noisy and the neighbours keep giving me dirty looks, like it’s my fault.
Don’t you know any normal people?
(What he’s thinking: Only you, honey. And not for much longer…)
16. Don’t you have any t-shirts that are not motorcycle-related?
Why does everything you own have a bike logo or motorcycle rally graphic on it?
And why can’t you wear an actual shirt when we go out to dinner?
(What he’s thinking: You’re dating a biker. Bikers have motorcycle t-shirts. I don’t complain about your embarrassing cat t-shirts, but if we’re being honest…)
17. Isn’t it time you grew out of motorcycles, and just got a car?
You’re not a teenager anymore, you know?
How about acting like a grownup?
(What he’s thinking: No problem. This grownup’s ready to be single again.)
18. Does your motorcycle have to be that noisy?
There has to be some way of making it quieter, surely?
What an obvious attention-seeking feature.
(What he’s thinking: When the motor’s running, I can’t hear you talking.)
19. You just want a motorcycle because you’re having a mid-life crisis.
What’s next – a red Porsche?
You’re just embarrassing yourself.
(What he’s thinking: The only crisis around here is that it’s time to get a new girlfriend.)
And one of my all-time favorites…
20. Well, you’ll have to sell the bike when we have kids anyway!
Do we even have any future?
Motorcycles are far too dangerous to have around kids.
What kind of example would you be setting them?
(What he’s thinking: KIDS?!!! I’m outta here!)
So there are 20 examples of what not to say when dating a biker.
If you’re brave enough to experiment with too many of these little gems, you’ll need to leave town until the heat dies down.
And when it does…
It might help to see the situation through new eyes:
That motorcycle in the garage is actually a good thing.
It’s one of the many benefits of dating a biker.
The bike doesn’t have to be an obstacle that gets in the way of your relationship.
It can be a way for you to head off on shared adventures.
It can be a source of shared joy, not a topic for another argument.
So what will it be?
Biker dating disaster? Or biker dating bliss?
It all depends on your attitude!
You might love this one, then!
Photo credit: creatista @ Canstockphoto.com