A biker beard means business.
There’s no two ways about it.
But not the 9-5, tie-wearing “yes, sir, no, sir” kind of business.
I’m talking about the serious business of feeling free.
Because if you have a biker beard, you probably also have a bike.
And you know that riding that beautiful beast is the very definition of freedom.
There’s no better feeling than roaring along a wide open road, and breathing in the vibrant landscape that you’re a moving part of.
A proper biker’s beard captures that very same feeling – and expresses it in furry form…
So if you have a biker beard, you have a serious responsibility.
You have to enjoy every hairy moment of your magnificent facial fur.
Because you don’t simply wear a biker beard.
You have to rock it.
Biker beards can be genetic.
Often, biker beards will run in families.
It doesn’t happen in every generation, it’s true.
And it probably won’t apply if you have a daughter.
But if the stars have aligned, you just may have passed the biker beard gene to your son.
If so, he’s likely to want to ride his own motorcycle down the beach as well.
A genetic biker beard often comes with an inherited insane sense of humour, and lifetime issues with authority.
It’s a sure-fire formula for success.
A biker beard loves company.
If you have one biker beard in the house, things are looking up.
But add another one, and you have an instant party.
If any more arrive, anything could happen.
Let’s face it, your neighbours have probably already called the police.
A biker beard can be effortlessly fabulous.
Biker beards are so damn cool that you can style them up on a rainy Sunday afternoon when you’re sick of watching Netflix.
Here’s the proof.
Yep, pretty little roses.
That’s exactly what I’m talking about.
A biker beard is a natural defence.
That layer of fur between your face and the elements is nature’s sunscreen.
It protects you from the sun, the wind, and even most kinds of insects.
But it’s a good idea to do a quick sift through the layers now and again, to make sure no grasshoppers, crickets (or God forbid – spiders!) have set up home in this welcoming furry forest.
You’ve got to watch out for cats, too. They LOVE it in there.
A biker’s beard can can change shape and form.
Your beard changes personality like the wind.
Actually, when you’re out riding, it changes WITH the wind.
Biker beards will take on weird and wonderful shapes during a motorcycle ride.
After a day out on the bike, Pat’s beard might:
- form pointy spikes like Lisa Simpson’s hair turned upside down
- be twisted at an odd angle like a tree bent sideways from decades in the wind, or
- curl upwards around his helmet strap – this is the beard equivalent of helmet hair.
Photo opportunities abound…
A biker beard needs care.
Biker beards look rough, tough, and devil-may-care, alright.
Just like many bikers themselves.
But truth be told, both bikers AND their beards need plenty of loving care.
So keep your beard clean by shampooing out the bugs, and the toast crumbs from breakfast.
Add a few squirts of conditioner, and your beard will stop feeling like a mini-haystack.
And if you want to go absolutely wild with new age metrosexual grooming … add a few drops of beard oil to your demanding new beard maintenance routine.
Your biker beard will thank you.
So will your woman.
The bottom line is: a biker beard makes a statement.
It means something.
It’s about freedom.
It’s about your love of motorcycles.
And it’s about being too lazy to shave everyday.
Let’s face it, biker beards rock.
And by definition, if you have one … so do you!