Clearly, most biker women are styled by the people who used to work at Playboy, right?
At least, that what the media tells us.
These perfect biker babes strap themselves into black leather bras, lean forward, and pout.
You could get lost for days in that mountainous cleavage.
Their long, glossy hair tumbles over bare shoulders like a shining waterfall.
But back in the real world, Playboy is out of business.
And in reality, biker women don’t spend that much time lying around naked on random motorcycles.
Especially if there’s a camera around.
Real Biker Women Wear Safety Gear – Not Bunny Ears
Biker women are more likely to wear a riding jacket than a tiny lace thong and a pair of fluffy ears.
You’re probably sitting upright watching the road, rather than lying back dreaming of ‘making it’ as a centerfold.
And unlike the Playboy glory days, you’re probably not wearing a full face of make-up that’s been applied with a builder’s trowel.
A set of fake caterpillar eyelashes, and lashings of black eye shadow are basic requirements.
In reality, that only works if you don’t actually GET ONTO a motorcycle and go anywhere.
(And it’s after 11 pm.)
Paint on some thick smoky eye shadow and shimmering lip gloss when you’re going out on the bike, and you’ll arrive looking like a hooker clown.
Shiny makeup is a magnet for dirt and grime.
And sticky little insects.
It’s hard to look seductive covered in bug splatter and mud.
Biker Women are Not Wishing They Made it into Playboy
The media’s idea of biker women coming straight from the pages of Playboy is beyond ridiculous.
It’s light years from reality.
If I stop eating long enough for my rib cage to poke through a dodgy black leather number, I’ll be too weak to even climb onto the bike.
And if I do manage to summon enough energy to get on board, I’ll be so cranky that you’ll think the Wicked Witch of the West has started riding pillion.
I definitely won’t enjoy the ride.
And you’d better believe that my man won’t either!
It drives me nuts that Barbie beauty standards have wormed their shiny way into the world of motorcycling.
In my decades of riding pillion, I have never seen a woman get off a bike, shake out her bouncy platinum hair, and be offered a modelling contract.
Or even a stripper job, come to that.
Don’t get me wrong.
I always make an effort to at least TRY to look good on a motorcycle.
I don’t want to reach our destination and hear someone shout in excitement, “Hey! Sasquatch has a sister!”
But real motorcycle women don’t get to the end of a ride looking stripper-pole-ready.
When I rip off my helmet, my hair’s pretty messy.
The lip gloss wore off hours ago.
That’s because I’m smiling too much!
By the end of a ride, I’m grinning from ear to ear.
I’m in the best mood ever.
Because I’ve just been riding with the kind of man who’s looking for something a little more interesting than zero body fat and a leather thong.
Let the media sell us perfect biker babes who look like Playboy Barbie come to life (stripper pole sold separately).
I’m not buying any of it.
I’m off to have a beer with my man, and talk about our awesome ride!
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That’s funny and true
Thanks, Fave 🙂
Yes, but let’s face it… the internet wouldn’t be the same without them.
Guess it depends what you’re looking for online 😉
Haha that’s right! Biker women look for safety gear, that’s for sure 😀
Definitely! I’d like to keep all my body parts attached thanks! 🙂
Thank you for this! I was telling this to my husband on why so many bike manufacturers miss the mark. I don’t ride yet but mister does and I fell head over heels for a red Indian Springfield and have been dreaming of riding ever since. However, I don’t feel invited to the party, there’s nothing that calls me (in advertising) or appeals to me to join the “family “. I’m also a woman of color so I feel even less represented. But boy oh boy getting these thick thighs around a Scout would be a great undertaking. Maybe one day….
Thanks for your comments, Kelly – you make some fantastic points. It’s true that women are largely excluded from most of the bike marketing stuff (even though I’ve read that 25% of riders or pillions are women). We have a red Indian Scout so I totally get where you’re coming from! (I’ve done a review here on the site: https://www.pillioness.com/indian-scout-review-the-pillion-perspective/). Have you had a chance to sit on one of these bikes? You may be surprised at how good a fit it is for you. 🙂
Loved this! “real motorcycle women wear safety gear – not biknis” Its full gear all the time for this motochick
Good to hear! I wear full gear too, even for a 10 minute ride. 🙂
Fender Candy VS Biker Queen. That’s how I see it? Anyway, mine’s a Queen (rides her own).
Interesting terminology, Randy!
I saw a great t-shirt once. It said: I have a hairdresser! His name is Helmet! LOL
You do cheer up my mornings. This is so true and my pillion complains about anorexic models all the time ~ and saves the make-up for when she’s off the bike. Keep up the blogs, they are brilliant. 😉
Wonderful to hear, thanks Paul!
May I share this article to cyclefish.com and/or bikerornot.com?
Hey Karen, that’s fine, if you could include the link/credit to Pillioness.com I’d appreciate it 🙂
I just cried my eyes out this morning , because turning 40, being thick and having hyperpigmentation on my face, again I questioned my biker how can you be attracted to me ….
His reply was you’re nice, you’re beautiful when you smile, want to go for a spin to clear the cobwebs in your head?
Sometimes a woman needs sister’s advise
Marilyn, I’m glad you have a lovely biker to remind you that you ARE beautiful. I know what you mean, I’m older than you and I’m just trying to embrace it – I call these “the hag years”, and just try to own it! I wouldn’t want to be 25 again (no way!) and all those supermodels look kinda unhappy to me… 😉