Your biker’s motorcycle garage is a whole new world.
You might think the garage is just where he parks his motorcycle.
And that’s true.
It’s also where he does a strange magic act with spanners and screwdrivers.
It can take several hours, and often ends with him shouting loud enough to rattle the neighbours’ windows.
As you might’ve guessed, the motorcycle garage is not like the world you know.
It’s not even close.
Things work very differently out there.
Minutes turn into hours.
Spanners disappear into the third dimension.
And the calm man you thought you knew so well turns into a grease-covered beast who knows an impressive number of swear words.
A motorcycle garage runs according to a particular set of rules.
These are not written down anywhere.
But things will go a lot more smoothly in your biker relationship if you know what they are.
Here’s a practical accessory to wear out in the garage.
This soft beanie is a great way to keep the chill out and protect your hair from motorcycle grease!
It comes in 7 different colors.
Follow these rules, and your time in the motorcycle garage will be spent smiling – rather than wondering whether you should call a divorce lawyer.
The 10 Unwritten Rules of the Motorcycle Garage
1. Don’t tidy up
To the untrained female eye, a motorcycle garage is often, well, just plain messy.
There’s stuff EVERYWHERE.
Nuts and bolts, spanners, screwdrivers, bits of dirty rag, weird tools you’ve never seen before, and strange shaped plastic things that must belong on the motorcycle somewhere.
But avoid the urge to create order in this chaos.
Because it’s only chaos to you.
To the biker eye, everything is exactly where it’s meant to be.
2. Be useful
Believe it or not, it’s actually quite practical for you to spend some time out in the motorcycle garage.
Because most bike maintenance tasks are made easier with an extra pair of hands.
There are plenty of really useful things you can do to help out there.
Such as:
- Handing your biker the right spanner
- Holding nuts and washers as they come off the bike (so they don’t fall on the floor)
- Lubricating bolts before they’re screwed back into place
- Directing the work light over the section of the bike you’re working on, and
- Polishing the tank or chrome while you chat.
3. Respect the rag hierarchy
Personally, I have a strict system with my cleaning sponges for the house.
I’m sure you do, too.
You have one for the kitchen, one for the bathroom, one for the windows, and on it goes.
Out in the motorcycle garage, there’s a very similar system in place.
Different rags have different purposes.
There are clean, soft ones for buffing the tank and shining up the chrome bits of the motorcycle.
There are rags that are a little dirty, but still OK to wipe down greasy tools.
And then there are the rags that live on the floor of the motorcycle garage.
That doesn’t mean you should throw them away.
They’ve simply reached the end of the circle of life for rags.
And now they mop up floor spills before they end up in the trash.
It makes perfect sense when you think about it.
You wouldn’t wipe the kitchen bench top with the same sponge you clean the toilet with, right?
The exact same principle applies in the garage.
Only with rags.
4. Don’t lie on the motorcycle garage floor
I always snort with laughter when I see pictures of gorgeous women in full makeup, lying on the floor of a motorcycle garage.
They’re holding a spanner and have a cute little grease smudge on their cheek.
That doesn’t happen in real life.
Or it shouldn’t, anyway.
Because in reality, lying on the floor of a motorcycle garage is a terrible idea.
The floor is dirty.
It’s cold and hard.
And you’re guaranteed to get grease in your hair (and on your face).
Don’t do it.
Pull up a stool, and sit down like a civilised person.
And speaking of not getting grease and dirt in your hair…
5. Tie your hair back
If you have long hair, pull it back into a ponytail or bun – while your hands are still clean.
Long hair will always get in the way when you lean over the bike.
Free flowing hair tends to absorb every spray of WD-40 or degreaser, too.
And you’ll be horrified to find you’ve been trailing your hair through that big tub of black used engine oil.
This in NO WAY qualifies as a hair treatment.
So keep your hair well out of the way from the get-go.
6. Invest in some overalls if you ever want to do this again
You might find that it’s actually quite fun out in the motorcycle garage.
It’s a change of scene, and your biker is fantastic company.
That’s one of the reasons you’re with him, after all.
It can even be a little bit interesting if you’re even slightly into the mechanical side of motorcycles.
So you might find you actually LIKE it out in the motorcycle garage.
And if you do, you’ll need to invest in some overalls.
Overalls are a great idea.
Because even if you DON’T get grease, polish and dirt all over you every time you go out there, you’ll STILL somehow come out smelling of oil and WD-40.
If you don’t want to double your laundry workload, just invest in a pair of overalls.
I got myself some black cotton ones.
They’re not exactly high fashion, but they look OK.
And when I put them on on a Saturday, my biker starts to smile.
He knows I’ve just committed to an afternoon of fun in the motorcycle garage.
Which leads me to…
7. Set a limit on your garage time
Your biker spends hours at a time in his motorcycle garage, right?
Sometimes he’s out there all day.
But that doesn’t mean you have to be.
You haven’t bought a ticket for an all-day ride here.
It’s OK to set some limits, and be honest about when you’ve had enough.
If you have something else you want to do with the day, you still can.
Find a natural stopping point, and bail out.
My natural stopping point is lunch.
Believe me, when I urgently need a sandwich, my biker doesn’t want me out in the motorcycle garage.
I don’t care what spanner he needs when I’m hungry and cranky.
8. Wear gloves
It’s incredible how many products get on your hands in the motorcycle garage.
Unless you just perch prettily on the edge of a stool and offer advice, it’s impossible not to get involved in the task at hand.
There are all kinds of greasy, sticky liquids and creams that you’ll need to handle.
Unless you want black fingernails and ingrained grease in your hands, wear some work gloves or disposable gloves.
They’re not specialist items: you can get both kinds at the supermarket.
They make it a lot easier to clean your hands properly when you get back to the house.
But there’s not much you can do to save your manicure, I’m afraid.
9. Take a selfie
Early on in the day, and before you get covered in grease, take a quick selfie of you and your biker in his motorcycle garage.
Take the photo quickly – before things get messy and while you’re both still smiling.
This is a great opportunity to capture a moment of bonding and fun in your relationship.
But don’t wait.
As the morning wears on, he’ll be getting grouchy, and you’ll be thinking about lunch.
If you wait until the 4th bolt in a row has disappeared into thin air and the new part he got for his motorcycle doesn’t actually fit, it’ll be too late.
You don’t need a photo of him shouting.
And while we’re on the subject of frayed tempers…
10. Don’t tell him to calm down
Working on motorcycles can be incredibly frustrating.
There are always a lot of little irritations that seem to just keep on coming.
It’s just the way things are in a motorcycle garage.
And initially, your biker will take things in stride.
He’ll probably handle the first one or two obstacles pretty well.
But as the “ten minute fix” stretches into 4 and a half hours, you’ll notice a rise in tension.
Eventually, his patience will run out.
So when the shouting starts, or he throws a spanner on the floor in absolute fury, that’s your cue to suggest a break.
There’s a right way and a wrong way to do this.
DO NOT say: Oh, just calm down, will you? What’s the matter with you?
Or: It’s only a stripped bolt – why are you going nuts?
Believe me, commentary on the situation really doesn’t help.
Here’s a better idea.
Calmly say:
Right, we need a break. Let’s go get a coffee.
And lead him into the house for a drink and a snack.
Or if you’re not both covered head to toe in grease and sweat, go out to a coffee shop (yes, in the car).
Get some lunch – and some distance from the annoying task.
After an hour’s break, you’ll both be refreshed, your heads will be clear and you can go back with the energy and insight to fix whatever the problem is.
He might even be able to laugh about it.
The motorcycle garage can be a lot of fun.
It’s a totally different environment, so it’s a change of pace for you.
It’s a great way to spend quality time together as a couple.
And you can actually make a positive difference out there by lending an extra pair of hands.
Now you know the unwritten rules of the motorcycle garage, you can make sure it’s a positive and even fun experience.
For both of you.
